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Remeber the 1970s? Well, we don't, we really weren't alive for most of it. But, we've seen VH1 and we kind of understand it. So, there was this band KISS, and they didn't have a fanclub, they had the KISS Army. So, we here at VoxHumana have decided we want ourselves an army too. Now, I know you're asking, how can I join? Well, the answer's simple. Just follow the steps below and you're a member; there are no forms, no mailing lists, no one calling you at dinner time, no hassle. So, c'mon, join the future of comedy.
Steps to Becoming a Member of
The Army of VoxHumana
1. Swear the Following Oath...
"I, [insert your name here] do hereby pledge my undying devotion to VoxHumana and all that it represents. I swear (or affirm if you're a heathen or atheist) to do whatever I can whenever I can, to help the VoxHumana sketch comedy troupe gain success in this world. I also swear that if I have any children I will give them funny names like 'Mr. Monkey Pants' or 'Nosmo King' or 'The Bishop's Hat.' Also, I will start every sentence with the word "Flemish," but will refrain from using gerunds, except when talking to a dead pope, like reciting an ode to him or something, not actually conversing with him, because he's dead. Like, if you're reading a poem that's written as an ode to, say, Pious X, you can use gerunds, otherwise, they're out. So are definite articles come to think of it. Yeah, I'll do all that, so help me (say the name of whatever social construct you foolishly and anachronistically believe in, like God or Vishnu or Zoroaster or whatever)
2. Have the words "I am a Member of the Army of VoxHumana" tatooed onto your forehead. If you're French, the words "j'est la mebre du Army VoxHumana" may be substituted. If you speak neither French nor English, figure out the Esperanto version and get that put on.
3. Find yourself a network executive. Seduce them, and just as they reach climax, stop. Tell them you'll finish, only if VoxHumana is given a TV show. Then, let them climax and sneak out early in the morning to avoid that uncomfortable and awkward breakfast thing. Don't you hate that next morning thing? Ugh.
4. Log on to this website at least once a day, and hit the "reload" button about five hundred times, so we can get our hit level up, so it'll look more impressive and maybe interest advertisers.
Well, that's pretty much it. Do all that, and you'll be a full fledged member, privy to all the rights of the Army of VoxHumana. However, there are no real rights or privileges or anything, but if you're bored, desperate for attention, or whatever, it might be fun to join. And, if you're looking into cults or the military, maybe think about surrendering your mind and body to us instead, after all, we're not picky about the uniform, we won't get you out of bed early, and we never get killed in wars or suicide pacts, so all in all, it's a much better way of becoming a mindless robot.
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